Read this conclusion of an argumentative essay.

our national parks are special. most people know that, but there are a few who still have not gotten the memo. those individuals need to understand that there are a lot of benefits we get by taking care of those places. they need to get out of their houses and take a few vacations in those parks. catch sight of some deer or some wolves or some bears. go camping and pick some wildflowers. pretty soon they will see how much better nature is than their television set.

this conclusion could be more successful if the writer revised by

adding a new claim and generating good reasons.

adding more reasons and credible sources.

adding more transitions and creating a more respectful tone.

adding more evidence and a few more transitions.

Ken looked in his backpack to find his camera, but it wasn’t there. The sun was casting its warmest beams, and people on the sidewalk were having a hard time walking around him. After a couple of elbow bumps, Ken thought it’d be better to go inside a café. The drops of sweat he felt running down his neck were not helping him remember what could have happened to his camera.

He might have left it on the counter while he talked to that ice cream seller. Joseph was his name. He had been good friends with Ken’s grandparents. Ken had taken the camera out to show it to him, to tell him it had been a gift from his grandparents, the only ones who supported his decision to change careers. And then he left without it, distracted by his own thoughts, by the fact that he missed his grandpa very much. What would Joseph think? Ken ordered some cold water. His skin still felt hot and moist. He walked back, embarrassed. Would Joseph understand?

Note: I used the word café, since I think "cofé" is just a misspelling.