justritegrl
justritegrl
26.04.2021 • 
English

Please help!! Review your informational article. Choose one body paragraph to revise. Copy this paragraph into a new document.
Combine two or more sentences in your paragraph for varied syntax.
Review your paragraph for any use of passive voice. Revise those sentences.
Write a short reflection paragraph on the revision process. Describe the changes you made and how these changes improved your writing.
Save and submit:
The original draft of your body paragraph
The revised draft of the same paragraph
The reflection on the changes you have made
Save your work to your computer or drive.
Submit your work in 02.09 Syntax and Voice.

here's the one I chose
In the current date, video games are described to be addictive or just bad for your mental health in general; but video games have been proven to help with them! For example, children and adults with ADHD have been treated with video games to distract them from hyper fixation. “Psychologists have used games to treat children and adults with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD.” Hyper Fixations are a disorder that makes a person become obsessed with something and normal bodily functions will be ignored (like eating, drinking water, or even sleep!). Once they are handed a video game, they start to get distracted from their hyper fixations because of the puzzle solving or strategy!

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